a full heart

Last night as Patrick and I were in bed trying to go to sleep (it was burning up in our house and we had all the windows open and a fan in one of them... yes it's only March but in the 80's) I smelled smoke.

My brain started working and I asked Patrick if he thought the smell was coming from outside. He said yeah, where else would it be coming from? Then I mentioned it could be coming from our house. We both just stayed in bed and didn't say anything. But both our minds were working. He couldn't stop thinking about it and neither could I.

Can Lydia breathe? Is the opposite side of our house on fire? Does our smoke detector still work? When (or have we ever) was the last time we checked that thing?

Patrick got up and checked the house. Everything was okay. Our house was not on fire. Someone in the neighborhood was probably having a bon fire.

When Patrick climbed back into bed he mentioned how that freaked him out. He couldn't stop thinking about Lydia and wondering if she was okay. Thoughts of grabbing her out of her bed and her not breathing.

Thinking about all of this as I'm trying to go to bed I wanted to go and wake up my baby and hold her in my arms. Kiss her and love on her and hold her tight. I thanked the Lord then and there for what a gift He has given us.

I'm thankful to have been reminded that everyday is a gift. It's not promised to us. As I wanted so badly to go and cling to my daughter and kiss her and love on her I stayed in bed and thanked the Lord. And then I asked him to help me to cling to him and not my daughter. I prayed that He would give me strength to love her and care for her with open hands. Like we should do with all things in this world.

I know that there is nothing that I can do to guarantee Lydia's safety and health. I can be wise and not foolish in caring for her but ultimately her life is in the Lord's hands. He gives and He takes away. Blessed be His name. I can rest in His goodness and know that He is a good God. He is good when our children are born healthy and live their lives until an old age. He is good when we have children who are born with disabilities. He is good when we miscarry. He is good when we never conceive and are barren.  He is good when we long for children but have never been given the gift of marriage.

In all circumstances and all things the Lord of the universe is good! Resting in His perfect love all fear is cast away.

I will be giving Lydia a few extra kisses and probably holding her a little longer before nap times and bed time telling her I love her over and over. My heart is full of thankfulness for today and the gift of life the Lord has given my family.